There was a feeling
I catch little echoes of it
Alas, how rarely
And it haunts me now
—
The big “out there”
Logging into the infinite void
Not knowing what I’d find
The safe, whimsical anonymity
Of being a digital citizen
On the new frontier
—
It was the future
It felt like that to me
Humanity freed from geography
A true melting pot
Where a nobody could be somebody
—
Usernames and hyperlinks
Avatars and blogrolls
Identities curated and crafted
Me, but better
More confident
Less awkward
—
I found my people
In the big “out there”
A rickety clubhouse
Where the password was being smart
Being interesting
Being weird
—
I don’t know why I thought
The others wouldn’t find it
—
The opportunists
The acronym chasers
The monetizers
The bullies
All the people we’d gone online to escape
Now they were here
Trashing the place
—
Our hideout was no utopia
But it wasn’t a common schoolyard
Not a doctor’s office magazine
TV on a smaller screen
It was special
I remember it being special
It’s easy to say it’s me that changed
But I don’t think so
—
I think it was taken from us
I think we let it happen
Too slowly for it to register
Brands
Bots
Celebrities
Politicians
Influencers
Junkmail
Crap
We looked up one day and realized
The place was a dump
—
Now I talk to people I met back then
About how they’ve returned to analog
Don’t go on the internet
Whatever you do
It’s dead, didn’t you hear
Our place
The old apartment
Someone else lives there now
It’s not the same
Nothing is ever the same
We had to have known that
But we hoped too high
We thought they’d never catch up
—
Now it’s machines talking to machines
Brands talking to brands
Russian hackers talking to Russian hackers
It wasn’t a real place
Not a location someone could invade
And conquer
But they did
—
And though we try to reclaim corners
Bits
Pieces
The occupiers move in
The C.H.U.D.s climb up
Through the sewers
Out of the manholes
We scream and run
Horrified
—
It sounds elitist
Maybe it is
But there should be a place
Where the weirdos go
Where the normies can’t find us
I don’t know where that is now
If it’s ever possible again
—
But once
There was a place
And when I catch that feeling
Alas, how rarely
I remember
And I long for it to come back
—
The big “out there”
We need it now
More than ever
—
The worlds are getting smaller
The hunters getting stronger
If prey goes to ground
Leave no ground to go to
—
I’m leaving this here
In case anyone is left to find it
You are not alone
And if that is true
Then I’m not either
—
I hope